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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Nikki's LiveJournal:
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| Tuesday, June 13th, 2006 | | 2:38 pm |
So yeah, I never go onto the internet anymore. My computer is pretty much dead. Aaron says he can fix it, but that won't happen for a while. He's had a woman's computer for like a month now or more and still hasn't fixed it for her. I think he said she had another one or something. I guess so, or else she'd be more pissed. So everything's going well in my life, except that once again, we can't get any pot and also we still haven't moved into this happy little house in Aberdeen. We've known about this place for months now and have been dieing to move in. We've tried calling the dude a million times but he doesn't answer and doesn't return our messages. It sucks sweaty simian sack. Obviously, he (Bob Carr, the landlord, not Aaron) doesn't give a shit and we have to look for another place. Thing is, it's going to take time to save up more money for higher rent and a security deposit. This dude was willing to overlook that. But of course, this is all hearsay since neither of us ever heard it straight from the horse's mouth so to speak. Now onto the weed thing. It used to be that when I ran out, I was the only one who suffered. Now I feel at least twice as bad because in addition to myself being miserable, I make Aaron suffer. I don't mean to at all, it just happens. I get irritated a lot easier and I'm even more hard-headed and bitchy. Then I feel even worse because, seeing myself objectively, I'm disgusted. I shouldn't need pot to be a chill chick. Sadly enough, sober, I'm like most women: bitchy, naggy, nit-picky, and worse. Pot is even an aphrodisiac .... to me at least. So I can't even enjoy sex as much! It just improves so many aspects of my life, how could I possibly give it up?! If I stopped getting high I could never play video games again, I just don't have much of an interest in them unless I'm stoned, not to mention how much I suck sober or drunk. I am a pothead and I have no problem with this, in fact, I am proud. I look at myself as a smart, philosophical, mind-expanding pothead, as opposed to a lazy, dumb, retarded one. So oddly enough, being a pothead actually makes me feel smarter because compared to most other potheads out there, I'm a motherfucking genius. Compared to sober people I'm just a borderline genius (that is if the weed hasen't significant'y decreased my IQ). I had to go into all this because Aaron wants to give it up. I think that's fine, but I know that's not the right choice for me right now. I don't want to put either of us through that fucking agony and irritation. Okay, big whoop. I have to buy all the pot now. That's fine because I have a job. Incase I didn't mention it on here, I am working in Home Depot's paint department. Drop on by the Edgewood location and visit me anytime you want. We can huff some paint thinner. Ha! No. Current Mood:  aggravated
Take 1 hits | | Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006 | | 3:32 pm |
So I haven't updated this shit in a very long time. That's how it always goes though right? But this time, so much has changed it's like I am living a different life, and indeed I am. Well, really, the only thing that has changed is that one Mr. Aaron Goodson is now going out with me instead of one Julie Ruddle. I don't even want to talk about it, it just had to be done. And now I am as happy as a clam in shit. Why am I even writing here? Current Mood:  cheerful
Take 4 hits | | Thursday, December 22nd, 2005 | | 11:28 am |
Yeah. I just did my first couple of contracts. You, or at least I, can only learn by doing. It is true, Rick wasn't the best tutor. He showed me the basics and had me practice a lot in the test database but there's no way to prepare someone for everything they might encounter. So I don't blame him too much. Shit, I don't like teaching people to do certain things. Other things (like the proper way to hit a bong) are a pleasure to teach. It was funny when Mark (one of the account managers or whatever the shit they like to call themselves) told me what he wanted and I didn't understand. Then I tried to do it but had to ask if it was right. Then I was like "this is the first one I'm doing you know." You could tell in his face he wanted to freak out. Then like 30 seconds later, I was like, "sorry man, blah blah blah." Then he said that he was sorry and he's all anal and organized to begin with, blah blah blah. He showed me what he meant and now I know. You'd think that Rick/Rich/Dick would have told me about adjusting the margin (commission) to meet the total price per decatherm that you want someone to pay, but no. Also, he had said that they margins were like .25 to .40 on the dollar; Mark just got a .8! Dude, I want to get into this business. I want to apply for the permanent position. I want to one day be one of them. Ha! My mom told me I'd be a good real estate agent. I think I'd rather sell gas, a freaking necessity, while sitting on my ass. Yes, I am a poet. So yeah, now I get to bore my three readers by writing about dumb work shit. I hope you don't mind. Anyway, the bottom line is this .... 1. I'm getting about $15/hr. 2. I can say FUCK in the office 3. I can wear jeans 4. it is a rather easy job that I know I can handle I don't know what else one would want in an office job, seriously. I even asked Laurie (me smokin' bud/ride giver) about the high temp turn-over rate and she basically went through and told me about the last dozen temps. Most just found better jobs in the field or whatever. One old woman couldn't handle the system. Some other oldish woman left because of the language (of course I find this absolutely hilarious) and Mr. Lief was always absent and shit. Yep. So there's nothing to worry about. I would imagine they'd love to not have to train a new person every couple of months. So yeah. That's about it. Current Mood: happy
Take 1 hits | | Tuesday, December 20th, 2005 | | 9:15 am |
Joey Ramone is Dead
So there's excitement in the office. This guy's laptop was stolen right off of his desk last night. Of course he is upset, but I would be much angrier if it was me. Then again, I think he has his shit backed up, and the company would have to spring for a new one, so it's really just a minor inconevience. Last night Leah and I watched the last of the Lone Gunmen episodes. If you three people out ther who read this and aren't Leah haven't heard of it, you should definitely check it out. It's the X-Files spin-off with those lovable nerds who help out Mulder and Scully. Duchovny and Andersono made guest appearances in the episodes we saw last night, added bonus. So yeah, today I should be going over to Julie's after work and taking a load off. I'm looking forward to playing DDR. Yeah, I'm that big of a geek now. I want my own pad for X-Mas. I don't know what else to say here except watch the Lone Gunmen. Current Mood: complacent Cast a sin at the stoner
Take 9 hits | | Saturday, December 17th, 2005 | | 2:39 pm |
So yeah, I am bored and lonely. Needless to say, I wish I had a freaking car. Oh well. My mom should get some comission Tuesday so hopefully .... what the hell am I saying? I don't know if she plans to/can get me a new engine/car then or not. I was browsing the POSes on Ebay last night, I think I could get something decent. Of course, it's always a gamble. So yeah, I tried to get in touch with some guys from OKCupid just for someone to go out with, but alas, that's not happening today. It just sucks now that I work and have only two days off per week and I can't even do anything today! I guess there's nothing more to do except read this book. Yesterday I found the author's page, complete with blog. That's great. Also the tagline for the sequel to the book that I'm reading was "God is dead. Meet the kids." Of course I thought that was great. Yep. Wish I had some money, some pot, or a fucking car! Current Mood:  bored
Take 2 hits | | Friday, December 16th, 2005 | | 11:25 am |
Blargh! I eat you all!!!
Yes, I am getting paid nearly fifteen dollars an hour to print out old contracts that would all be destroyed if there were ever to be a fire in this lovely building in which I work. Isn't that grand? I would much rather be backing up these files on a removable drive or something. I have probably already killed a dozen trees in paper since I started here on Monday. It is extremely boring. I wish that more people wanted me to stuff their X-Mas cards because at least it's something different to do. I was told (by Rich) that it was important to get here at 8:30; I wish that was possible. I get in around 9am. If we could just leave the house to drop Gabbi off at 7:15, as I'd requested, instead of 7:50, (the compromise is supposed to be 7:30) then it would all be good. But alas, it takes Gabbi way too long to cry, and whine, and get her fat ass out of the house in the morning. My mother is little help. Nah, she's actually a lot of help. She was actually going to put Gabbi's shoes on for her this morning. I don't need to say that that's extremely sad. I was watching an old episode of Home Improvement last night (the one where Jill gets a job) and Mark, their youngest son, who was like ten at the time, came downstairs ready to go to school all by himself. That's how I was and that's how all normal people are. You should only need to brush your kids' hair and get them dressed until they graduate from kindergarten. So whenever I point this out, I become the bad guy. My mom doing Gabbi's homework is one thing, but brushing her hair? While relaying this to Julie she asked if my mom still wipes her ass too, probably. So yeah, I don't know. I'm going to try and get other transportation Monday and Tuesday (there's your heads-up warning Leah) but we'll see how that goes. Today I am getting off at three and walking to Julie's house. Hopefully Leah's mom will let her have the car so we can all go out for some delicious Chinese buffet food and then I can be driven home. If not, I will have to call my mom and wait. I've seriously considered hot-wiring a car, I'm sure I could figure it out. All it says online is "put the red wires together." Sounds easy enough; the worst that could happen is I get a nice hairdo from the electrocution. Fun stuff. Fun stuff indeed! Current Mood:  blah Cast a sin at the stoner
Take 0 hits | | Thursday, December 15th, 2005 | | 10:06 am |
Ma voiture est morte!
Ha ha! I am at work right now and I needed a break. Right now I am responsible for printing out everybody's contracts and shit so that they have a "hard copy." This is, needless to say, extremely exciting and challenging. Yep. My car is still dead. It needs a new engine and we haven't the money. Naturally. I had to beg my mother to drive me in, dropping Gabbi off about a half-hour early to school. Big freaking deal right? Well it is for Gabbi. She has problems. Anywho, I love this freaking job. So far it's easy as cake, but I will have more responsibilities. Right now I barely know how to make up and process contracts. I really would like to apply to keep this job, they have two openings. Almost $15/hr. for basically busy-work? I'm in man! Besides, I would get paid a lot more than this if it wasn't for the temp agency, but of course I have them to thank for this magnificent job. Blah! I really haven't been into the internet a lot lately, just going through one of those phases. Shit has been hectic, figuring out how I'd get to work, thinking about how I'm going to pay for my car. I don't know. Shit sucks. I can't wait until I get my first paycheck .... on the freaking 23rd. Plenty of time for X-Mas shopping eh? In closing, I'd like you all to know that I like this keyboard better than the one at home and I think I even type faster on it. Or it could just be that I'm sitting up in a chair, at a desk, rather than on the floor. Oh yeah, I'm also reading a really good book that Leah gave me for Yule. More on that later. Current Mood: happy Cast a sin at the stoner
Take 0 hits | | Sunday, December 11th, 2005 | | 1:04 pm |
Yeah, it appears I need a new engine. Yesterday while on 95, there started a loud tapping from under the hood. I didn't know this meant that my engine was literally breaking apart. The guy who just towed it showed us the hole. So yeah, apparently a rod broke off and somehow this hole got ripped. Point being, she be dead. Maybe I'll have the car by Friday. And I have to go to work tomorrow.
Take 2 hits | | 10:39 am |
So NYC was great. I just wish that I had more time there. The bus let me out at Rockefellar Center. I immediately started walking uptown. I walked through Central Park and smoked and eventually found myself at The Americain Museum of Natural History. It was great. I had less than two hours to enjoy it but now I know what a cool place it is. Fuck the Met and the MoMA, I want to learn. So then it was time for the show, Wicked. It was actually even better than I expected it to be. It was supurb. Definitely the kind of storyline I dig. The ending could have not been happy, but other than that I have no complaints. So, now onto the weird Houdini incident. This must have happened Wednesday. I was waiting for Julie to call me because we were going out to a Chinese + Sushi Buffet so I brought my phone with me outside. I needed to get the special cigarettes that I had left in there. When I reach my car I see Houdini across the street. I call his name, he looks up, he runs away. I put down the phone and take a walk in hopes of locating him again, but alas, he's disappeared. When I return to my house, my phone is gone. This is a cordless house phone btw, not a cell phone. It's not like the thief could do anything with it. I look around, check inside trash cans and mailboxes, even the freaking manger we have on our lawn, no luck. I walk up the street a bit and a woman sees me and asks what I'm looking for. She knows I'm Gabbi's sister (as she has school-aged children) and asks her kids in addition to calling nearly every single other kid that got off at this bustop and asks them too, nothing. I had, of ccourse, noticed that in my absence the school bus had come and gone, yes, I accused the school children. So that's the silly phone story, I am now without a nice phone in my room. (I have one but it doesn't have caller ID so I never plan on answering it.) So yeah, when we get back from New York my mom's van is gone. It appears that in order to park in the parking lot directly adjacent to the motherfucking bus station you need to buy a permit from the hotel. Yes, this makes mucho sensical! Luckily another real estate agent spotted my mom the $238 and drove her to get the car. The guy was like, "you're lucky we didn't let the air out of the tires yet." So I didn't get home until like 1am. The next day I would wake up early and drive Julie to her Office Team interview. I gave them a copy of my SS card and lo and behold, later on that day they called, offering me a job in sales at Washington Gas & Energy in Timonium; it pays $14.85/hr. I am excited. Ah, Friday was completely lost to me as I smoked pot, fell asleep, smoked pot, fell asleep. I think it might be because I took an antihistimine? But yeah, I couldn't stay awake for squat, and I wasted most of my remaining weed. But yesterday Leah and I drove to Delaware so I could return a DVD that was already a day late and disaster struck on the way back. My car started making bad noises ..... well I have to go take care of that right now actually.
Take 0 hits | | Wednesday, December 7th, 2005 | | 5:25 am |
Thought Magick
Houdini is back, I have an interesting story about that but I am off to NYC .... Current Mood: delighted Cast a sin at the stoner
Take 0 hits | | Tuesday, December 6th, 2005 | | 2:54 am |
So i ended up sleeping from about noon to 12:30am. Yeah, my sleeping schedule is really messed up. Now I intend to stay up until 6-8pm tonight so that I can get a lot of sleep for tomorrow (Wednesday) as I'll have to wake up really early so that my mother, Gabbi, and I can go on a bus trip to NYC. My mom got the tickets for free from some financial dude she works with. Apparently they can't all-out bride the real estate agents, but they can give them gifts, such as free bus trips to New York. We don't get to stay there that long, the bus leaves at 6pm, but at least it's something. Oh, and the best part is that they do furnish you with free alcohol. So I am looking forward to that. Of course it would be great if I also had money and/or weed but there's really nothng I can do about that at this point. Julie hasn't called me back (or I'm sure she'd give me a little bud for the day.) It really sucks, I need more friends, I am trying to make some on okcupid, but we'll see how that goes. So there's snow on the ground. Houdini is probably dead. No, not the man born Ehrich Weisz, but my cat. He's been living on the streets ever since he got out a month or two ago but I doubt he'll be able to stand this weather. It sucks, but that is why my mother decided to replace him with Backlash and Puffie/Goku. Well, Harvey Birdman's on right now so I think it's time to go. Current Mood: whatever
Take 2 hits | | Monday, December 5th, 2005 | | 5:13 am |
So if I could have three things for X-Mas, they would be an XBOX-360, a gun, a new computer, and a sword. Okay, that's four things. But fuck it. The point is that I'm not going to get any of these things. My lame-ass family would never buy me a sword or a gun. Ooooh, I thought of something else that I want. I want a season pass to a ski resort. I don't care where as long as I get to ski. I don't think I'm going to get this either. The problem is that my mother is going to waste her money just like every year, getting me dumb gifts that I never wanted and don't need. She still gets me a stocking for Christ's sake! And it doesn't even have much good shit in it. I might as well have thrown it out last year. I don't want freaking bubble bath, bath beads, nuts, or dumb beanie baby style trinkets. I want a motherfucking firearm! I also want a cocksucking XBOX-360 but my mother is too lazy to sleep out at a store or highjack a truck for one. Okay, so that's taking it a little far but if she really cared then she could try harder to get one. No, she's too busy wasting her money on food to make Gabbi even fatter, and food so that my grandmother can feed it to the dogs. No one as poor as us should buy fast food this much, it's at least five times a week. It's not fucking fair. I hate this shit. I wish we had nice healthy food to eat, and I wish that my mother would buy me weapons. God knows what, if anything, I'll get from Sharon this year, seeing as that she'll only be released like a week or two before X-Mas anyways. Christmas has got to be the most gigantic load of bullshit on the planet. It's hard to think of things that I don't despise about this holiday ... other than the fact that you get gifts. Of course, it's not like I'll get them on Dec. 21, the real holiday here (Yule, Winter Solstice, I'm a Wiccan, fuck you, I mean blessed be!) but Dec. 25. Obviously, it's the principle that bothers me here, not the fact that I could be getting my gifts a few days early. It's nowhere near Christ's real birthday anyway. I'm not here to expose the truth though, I'm here to bitch, so if you don't know about that, look it up; the great philosopher/magician was born in something like April, May or June, I always forget. So I actually asked my mom why she wouldn't get me a sword (it's obvious she won't get me a gun, I'm just going to have to buy that when I get a job.) She said that she thought I would throw it when I got angry. I couldn't even stand there and ask her further about this, I was way too angry. I really don't understand it. I suppose she really thinks that I'll hurt somebody with it. Why in hell would I jeopardize an expensive weapon like a katana? Why? How insanely dumb would I have to be to do something like that? I could not even fathom it. The thought of someone not mentally reatarded throwing a precious weapon like that while angry simply boggles the mind. I think the problem here is that when I have my little violent freak-outs she is really dense and dimwitted enough to think that I lose control and don't care about things. I will kick and punch things that I know won't break. And yes, sometimes I throw things. I hardly break things any more because I actually stop and think and attempt to make sure that I am punching a reinforced front door or kicking a car tire for example. When all my Sims got erased I kicked the ugly recliner in my room. It is fine. I also like slamming doors, I know they can take it. I don't know why I'm getting into this. All I know is that I have always loved A Christmas Story but I never thought that I would be in the same shit-awful scenario as Ralphie. Only difference being he actually gets his BB gun. So yeah, I found a funny ad while perusing the pistols online ....  I don't know if I love it or find it offensive. Anywho, I have found a fine film right now called Holy Smoke on Bravo. It's got Harvey Keitel and Kate Winslet in it so I'm surprised I never heard of it before. At least my mom hasn't shipped me off to be deprogrammed of my kooky religious beliefs. So I suppose it could be worse. It could always be worse. I just don't think it's going to get any better. ( Read more... ) Current Mood:  pissy
Take 0 hits | | Sunday, December 4th, 2005 | | 11:42 am |
Nerd TV
So here I am, I'm bored. What else is new? Leah's still asleep in my bed. I'm going to wake her at noon. We plan on going to Delaware today to get cloves. Unfortunately, I have no money so Leah's been forced to fund this entire venture. Last night she bought me a bottle of wine, it's the only Thai Wine available in the United States. Of course it wasn't that good, but at least it was drinkable. While at Hollywood Video last night, I noticed they had the Lone Gunmen, the spin-off of the X-Files that Leah had actually informed me of originally. Leah bought it, all three discs for $25, a good deal if you ask me. So we watched quite a few episodes of that last night. It's fucking great, even better than I expected it to be. Apparently it originally aired when we were both in college, hence us missing its first run. So I got good and drunk on my exotic wine while watching it. We also watched Prozac Nation which was pretty decent except for the ending. Of course I didn't read the book or I'm sure I would have thought it sucked. I might have even thought it sucked if I had been sober. Oh well. So yeah, still bored. I don't know. Might as well wake her up now. Current Mood: complacent Cast a sin at the stoner
Take 0 hits | | Thursday, December 1st, 2005 | | 5:32 am |
Myspace needs to suck cocks in hell!!!
That's it. Everything I ever knew about HTML is gone. Actually that's not true, I can still insert pictures and spaces but that's about it. I've been trying to make my myspace page look pretty for at least an hour to no avail. I hate this, I hate myspace and all it's unexpected errors, I hate everything right now. This really makes me feel dumb though and that's what I hate the most. Ah, the ravages of pot. Then again it was almost ten years ago when I was into html, and back then I was bad to begin with. The sad thing is I was trying to get on a more "normal" sleeping pattern and actually succeeded in making myself tired around 2am but then Izzy was still out so I had to wait until I found her. That didn't happen until 4am, and here we are now. I hate my life. Current Mood: shitty Cast a sin at the stoner
Take 0 hits | | Tuesday, November 29th, 2005 | | 9:48 pm |
Once again, I hate myself and I want to die .... but not really
I hate the fucking Sims. For the past week or so, I have been obsessively playing this godforsaken game. Today, all my freaking characters were erased. It's a long and sordid tale, not really. But it is Gabbi's fault. She didn't mean to and if I had even been able to foresee it I would have prevented her but that wasn't the case. Alas, all my hard work is gone. So being the rational adult that I am, I have a high class shit-fit. Oh yes, I cried, I screamed, I even jumped up and down and kicked things. I am not ashamed to admit to this. I know I have anger management issues. This is one of the various reasons I enjoy self-medicating with the herb. Anywho, after a cigarette and half a bottle of wine (Scott's suggestion) I was still strongly considering erasing all Simrelated programs from my computer. So I go take a lookie look into the files to find out that I have two copies. That's right, the game I had going before, (where the Nikki Sim actually married Ewan McGregor) until I "uninstalled" it, was still there. I really don't get it. All the saved files were there but the Sims I had were truly erased that day. I really wish that I was a computer genius so I could fix it, but we all know that will never happen. So I tried running the program from different locations and with different CDS to no avail. All my Sims are lost. So then I ran uninstall again, figuring I'd get a fresh start. Problem is it didn't actually uninstall it at all! Big motherfucking cuntlicking goddamn surprise huh!?!? (Excuse the language, I've been drinking.) So I just went through and manually deleted all the files so that I can one day install it again. That day shall not be today because first I'm going to defrag this son of a bitch. Oh right, after I decided not to delete the shiass fuck Sims I was given no choice; every time I tried to run it, it would crash. The bottom line is I need a new computer. It is time for me to build one. Instead of letting my mother buy me some lame-ass Wal*Mart special shit, I would still love to buy all the parts separately and build the shit myself. I know it can't work worse than any Dell or HP shite I've had in the past. Okay, I'm really emotional right now. Here's the saddest part ..... I called Leah and her dad said she'd call me back, I called Julie and got the answering machine. I thought to myself, "it's at this point that I'd call good ole Sharon," but I couldn't naturally. So soon enough Sharon calls me but then we get into a fight about her being in jail. Fucking figures!!! So now it's just me and the bottle. Backlash, the kitten I named while high and watching Inuyasha, was comforting me earlier, but my frequent trips to the bathroom make him doubt my sincerity, so he is now gone. Yep. So after not watching Arrested Development last night I got to not watch My Name is Earl and The Office tonight. I went like 7 years without becoming attached to a sitcom and now that there are three I enjoy, they all get fucking postponed. And they're so good they'll probably get canceled. This is one of the ten-thousand reasons I hate television. I'm about ready to head up to Michigan and live on Ted Nugent's ranch, without drugs, without television and hunting my own meals. Ah, that's the life. One more sad thing, I actually want to go for a walk but I can't - it's raining. I still think I might go out later, after everyone's asleep so they can't call me crazy. They already saw me break out into tears tonight. I don't want to press my luck. Tomorrow I am calling the motherfucking temp agency. I need a job, I need to move out. I need to change!!! Oh Jesus H. Christ, I'm crying again. I'm just thinking of all the wasted opportunities. But I suppose if you don't at some point want to visit a previous version of yourself and beat the shit out of him/her than you haven't really lived eh? Current Mood: on the brink of total meltdown Cast a sin at the stoner
Take 0 hits | | Tuesday, November 22nd, 2005 | | 8:52 pm |
my computer's new lease on life
Yeah, so after defragmenting my computer it gave me a list of the files it was unable to move. I thought "great, I can just delete those shits myself!" And that's precisely what I did. I now have 15 free gigs. That's right, 12.1 used, 15.8 free. All thanks to my brilliance in deleting those files. The files in question? Motherfucking incomplete MP3 downloads. I never noticed them because I'm sure the program (intelligently named MP3Downloading) hid them from me. And of course I thought all the space had gone to actual MP3s. In closing, my thoughts on this are "wow, what can I download now?" Current Mood: menstrual Cast a sin at the stoner
Take 0 hits | | Monday, November 21st, 2005 | | 5:24 pm |
Veganism Kills!!!!
So I'm upstairs on the family computer, noticing how much slower DSL is than cable internet. Right now I am defragmenting my own whore of a computer. I estimate it will take 24 hours. It is in bad shape. Hopefully after this it will be happy and healthy though. I haven't defragmented in in ages because I haven't had the necessary disc space. But today I deleted all the unecessary files and got up to 4.14 free gigs. According to my calculations, this is marginally over 15% of the total disc space but the computer said it was only 14% so it gave me the warning anyway. I started it at 5pm and as far as I can tell it hasn't made any progress. So my interview went peachily. The woman I spoke with said that a new company was opening up in White Marsh in Jan. and I'd be perfect for the job, but they'd call me anyway next week just to check in. How lovely. I think I did miraculously for having only slept 2 hours last night. I even amazed myself the way I sprung out of bed this morning. I also made it there precisely on time, another shocker. So I don't know, I'm feeling tired now but I don't know if I want to go to sleep. When I first got home I watched some celebrity poker then tried to download some Texas Hold 'Em programs to no avail. I suppose this is what inspired my computer maintenance. It was long overdue. So since then I've been captivated with this trial on Court TV. I had heard the blurb on the news, parents starve 6 month old to death and are now in a criminal court for it. I saw their pictures and from the color of their skin assumed that they were ignorant and poor and that's what les to the starvation. I don't believe I'm more racist than the average Joe, simply more honest. I would have made the same assumption if they looked like redneckish white trash. So anyway, it turns out that the parents were simply vegans and fed all their children a raw diet. This to me is like uberveganism because it's one thing to not eat any animal products, but what the fuck does cooking have to do with it? I couldn't even survive as a vegan so this raw menu shit just blows my mind. I hate raw vegetables. The only thing I like raw is fish and oysters and fruit. And yes, i would rather eat a raw steak than a bunch of raw broccoli. Oh, I like corn raw, and I suppose I could eat a raw onion if dared to, but to never cook anything!?!?! That is sick and fucked up. But I love this trial because who are we to say to these people what they can and can't feed their kids? Which is worse, this kind of thing or a Nugent-esque family that goes out and kills everything they eat? Both are equally eccentric and ironically more healthy than the over-processed shit us God-loving Americans consume on a daily basis. So yeah, I'm going to have to get back to the trial soon, shit, I think it's over at 6. Whatever, it's on all week. We get the verdict Wednesday. So yeah, I like that there little expression don't I? So yeah, let's beat it into the ground, so yeah, yeah, so? So yeah ...... oh right! I am really worried that we lost another cat. Last night I let Zippy out around midnight when I first tried to go to sleep. I then let him in around 2am when I heard his little bell outside. But then I let him out again at 4 or 5 and I haven't seen him since. If he doesn't come back I don't know what to do. I don't want to think about it though because it's too sad. And of course now it's raining cats and dogs. Ha ha ha. Shut the fuck up. Current Mood:  tired Cast a sin at the stoner
Take 2 hits | | 5:13 am |
Ok, I had to make my own. It's weird, but aren't they all? NOW I HAVE TO TRY TO SLEEP!!!
Take 2 hits | | 4:46 am |
Fuck it, I'm doing this instead ....
Then this ...
And then it will be time to kill some people, since obviously I'm feeling lucky after the goat thing.
And then of course the only honorable thing to do will be to kill myself.
THE END!
Sweet Dreams Everyone! Cast a sin at the stoner
Take 0 hits | | 4:00 am |
Sleep well, for tomorrow you sell your soul ....
So I have a job interview in exactly 5 hours. I attempted to sleep from about midnight to 2am to no avail, duh, I'm still awake. Around 1am Gabbi had a fit because she wasn't able to finish all her makeup work so it looks like she won't be going to school tomorrow. My modest estimation is that this child has missed 30% so far this year. As I said, that was a modest estimation but I don't want to believe that it's any more than that. All I can tell my distraught mother at this point is "told ya so!" Not the most compassionate response to Gabbi's serious problem. And Gabbi does have serious problems. I take responsibility for a lot of it, even though I don't know how much I could have helped. The fact is that my brutal honesty has never gone over too well with the Gabbster. Surprise surprise, she doesn't like hearing the truth when it hurts. But that is how I motherfucking operate. But what I really feel bad for is the fact that I didn't want to have anything to do with her as I child. Truth be told, I never really liked her that much. But she's only a child, how could I hold her responsible for her actions and emotions which she can't even control herself? I don't know. At this point she doesn't take me seriously, doesn't respect me, doesn't respect anyone. The healthiest role model she's had has been my mom, and sadly, that doesn't say much. At her age I was taking everything my family trying to teach me with a grain of salt. She does not. She is going to be exactly like my mom if she is lucky. If not, she'll have all my bad qualities along with the poorest traits of my mom, coupled with her very own neuroses that we can't even explain. At this time she is deathly afraid of needles and talks about them all the time. She is constantly afraid of them with no foundation for these fears. I was miss-stuck when I was around her age, had a painful bruise on my arm for weeks, all due to a slightly incompetent nurse, but that didn't scar me. She's had no experiences like that. Of course, the Freudian analysis of this is QED: Needles = Phallic, Men=Evil, thus the difficulty. Note I made this jump because my grandmother, who now no doubt has a great influence on her looks at all men as evil. Her favorite topic of conversation is how much of a bastard Scott is, when, of course, he's just another alcoholic with problems like the rest of us. His condition only being exacerbated by her constant ridicule and hateful/inane remarks. She hardly understands what's going on most the time, how accountable can a woman like this be? Not fucking very. But it still angers us, it's always angered me. I emotionally distanced my self from her long ago. SHE IS NOT MY GRANDMOTHER. That's all. I don't know, it's all just easier not to think about but not for me. I've always had to constantly worry about everything. My problems, my family's problems, the country's and the world's problems. And when no easy solutions present themselves (they seldom, if ever, do) then I become disgusted and retreat into myself, saying what else but "FUCK THIS FUCKING WORLD!!!" If it can't be fixed then it should be put out of its misery. That's what I say. Perfection or annihilation, which one is easier? They're both equally desirable to me. Hence, Nikki's fucked up philosophical dichotomy. There you have it. So Scott says he's going to leave, my mom believes him this time. It is obviously a mixed blessing. Finances will be hard but we will all be a lot happier as a result. I will actually have to start paying rent. So long as I get a job that pays hourly in the double digits (which I've never had before) all will be well. My interview tomorrow is with a temp agency called OfficeTeam that Leah tipped me off to. If they can get her a job, they can get anyone a job. [This is not a dig at Leah as she said something similar just earlier today.] So I was just on their website completely my profile and I already found a job in White Marsh, over the phone customer service, $10-$12/hr. Perfect! At this point I hate all jobs equally so I don't really care what I do. I've come to the conclusion that I'll never have a job that I enjoy. Such is life. I seriously consider embarking on a life of crime every day. But until I grow a fine set of balls, we all know this will not happen. Well, now it's past 4:30 so my interview is closer to four hours away. This is frightening. I don't even know what I'm going to wear. I fear that my alarm won't be capable of waking me up. I also fear that I won't even be able to find the place, as that's always a fear of mine since I am so poor at following directions. I should have got some pot from Julie so that I could have drifted off into slumber peacefully and naturally, but no, I fucking plum forgot. Ugh! At least things with Julie are going better nowadays. And Leah, if you're reading this and I forget to tell you, there's no way I'm going to our high school reunion this weekend. Telly said that he or BJ would call me so I can give him his precious video game and we can hang out. Obviously that's much more desirable. Also I may be too tired/broke to have lunch with you tomorrow/today but I shall try my best. A'ight, peace yo! Current Mood: discontent Cast a sin at the stoner
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